We had our housewarming party today, and we had all of thirteen people show up. We absolutely love the people who came, and some were surprises, but there were quite a few we were expecting who never showed ... without explanation. And then we found out that several of those people were doing other social things. I know it's a busy season of the year and that there was a marriage conference in Saratoga this weekend, but I'm very frustrated. Nich and I spend so much of our time and energy giving to our church body, and I feel so unloved and unappreciated in return. As soon as our last guests left at 9:30, I just cried and cried.
It feels as though three years after living here, we would have closer friends, friends who know our hearts and love on us mutually. It's so lonely here sometimes, that I just want to up and move ... anywhere. It's very hurtful that the very people for whom we pour out our hearts and prayers can be so inconsiderate of our time and feelings.
If the purpose of gathering as a church is for corporate worship and fellowship, I almost don't want to go to church tomorrow. I am so disappointed and lonely right now, I feel like I can hardly express myself in words.
"If the God you believe in as an idea doesn’t start showing up in what happens to you in your own life, you have as much cause for concern as if the God you don’t believe in as an idea does start showing up. It is absolutely crucial, therefore, to keep in constant touch with what is going on in your own life’s story and to pay close attention to what is going on in the stories of others’ lives. If God is present anywhere, it is in those stories that God is present. If God is not present in those stories, then they are scarcely worth telling." ~ Frederick Buechner