"If the God you believe in as an idea doesn’t start showing up in what happens to you in your own life, you have as much cause for concern as if the God you don’t believe in as an idea does start showing up. It is absolutely crucial, therefore, to keep in constant touch with what is going on in your own life’s story and to pay close attention to what is going on in the stories of others’ lives. If God is present anywhere, it is in those stories that God is present. If God is not present in those stories, then they are scarcely worth telling." ~ Frederick Buechner

26 April 2010

Breaking It Down, Part 2: "Sex. Drugs. Rock and Roll."

My blog is PG. Sorry. I can't talk about sex. All I have to say on this is that it's definitely worth the wait.


Oh, fine, fine.

Here are my two cents on this topic.

Ummm ... here goes.

Since having sex means that you are willing to consider parenting (I know, teenagers don't get that), you should definitely talk about number of kids before getting married. I mean, just so you both know you're on the same page. The difference between two and three kids isn't a huge deal, but the difference between one (or none!) and twelve is. It's sort of like playing ping pong versus tackle football. Two completely different ball games. You know?

Thankfully, if your premarital counselor/pastor is worth his job title, this topic WILL come up, so if you don't bring it up, it will be brought up. How's that for passivity?

Premartial counseling? What? All I have to say on that is this: DO IT. And stick to it. Be honest. You get what you put in. Seriously. Nich and I really believe that our first year of marriage was so healthy because we worked through so much of our metaphorical baggage before we said "yes."

Another conversation you should have before your wedding day is birth control. This probably will not come up in premarital counseling. It didn't for us. And yes, it may be awkward. No, I take that back. It WILL be awkward. But you should do it anyway.

It's not so much about whether you'll use birth control or not (although that in itself is an important discussion), but also what you are both comfortable using. From the beginning, I was not okay with the use of birth control pills for me. I'm not comfortable with the idea of ingesting alternate hormones to interrupt and control the natural cycle of my body. Also, in researching various forms of birth control, particularly if you profess to be a Christ-follower, you must fully understand the abortive functions of many of the options out there. But these are discussions you and your spouse-to-be need to have.

Finally, be honest with each other. It's a whole new level of vulnerability and trust. Take it as you're ready to.

And just because I adore Rebecca St. James (and because I feel weird that I just blogged about sex), here's another song I love. And another.

Oh, yeah. It's my birthday today. Go write a poem, hug a teacher, eat some sushi, travel to somewhere exotic and take lots of pictures for me.


  1. love rsj, especially wait for me. shes so awesome, i loved her live.

    love your honesty about bc pill. i am really rethinking it. just so unnatural, and yeah anyways.

    and Amen to pre-marital counseling. it was sooo amazingly worth it. we still had our issues and a rocky first year. but it was so much better than if we went into marriage blind.

    and lastly HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! i wish i could travel somewhere exotic just for you.