"If the God you believe in as an idea doesn’t start showing up in what happens to you in your own life, you have as much cause for concern as if the God you don’t believe in as an idea does start showing up. It is absolutely crucial, therefore, to keep in constant touch with what is going on in your own life’s story and to pay close attention to what is going on in the stories of others’ lives. If God is present anywhere, it is in those stories that God is present. If God is not present in those stories, then they are scarcely worth telling." ~ Frederick Buechner

06 October 2011

Mommy Guilt

Ever since Brennan got sick a couple weeks ago, he has been more clingy with me. I know that this is also a developmental stage that begins around seven months, so I'm trying to be patient and remember what it must be like from his perspective.

But my personality rears its ugly head and rebels all too frequently.

It was hard to be gracious and patient with my little one who wanted to be held all the time (by me, not Daddy) when my neck pain wouldn't go away for three days. It was a new kind of challenge to put aside my emotions about Kerry (and concern for Ben) in order to take care of Brennan's daily needs. And now that he's on the move - and quickly gaining speed every day - I'm finding that I get less and less done around the house during the day, much less get to the grocery store!

This morning, Brennan inchwormed from the living room to his nursery, after pulling out DVDs from the entertainment center. He tried to pull himself onto the bottom shelf of his changing table. He pulls out the books on our nightstands. He can reach up to pull things down (like Nich's pants that I had hung to dry). He grabs at the spoon as I'm feeding him.

I caught myself rolling my eyes in impatience during breakfast this morning.

I felt like a terrible mother.

Oh, for increased grace! 

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