"If the God you believe in as an idea doesn’t start showing up in what happens to you in your own life, you have as much cause for concern as if the God you don’t believe in as an idea does start showing up. It is absolutely crucial, therefore, to keep in constant touch with what is going on in your own life’s story and to pay close attention to what is going on in the stories of others’ lives. If God is present anywhere, it is in those stories that God is present. If God is not present in those stories, then they are scarcely worth telling." ~ Frederick Buechner

06 June 2012

Baby Steps of Faith

Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you
Something about just being with you that
When I leave I feel like I've been with God
And that's the way it ought to be

Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
Cause you have spoken the truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know
More than you'll ever know

You had faith when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I've been hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it ought to be

You have carried me
You have taken on a burden
That wasn't your own
May that blessing return to you
A hundredfold

- Watermark, "More Than You'll Ever Know"

Nich recently mentioned to me that I'm not as compassionate with people as I used to be and asked if I knew why that was. (I'm thankful for a husband who knows me well and loves me enough to let me know when I'm not being the best of me that I could be).  I've been reflecting on that over the past few days and mulling it over in my mind, and it makes me sad. I so desperately desire to be more like Jesus every day, and it's humbling to realize that in this new life of constantly meeting a little soul's needs, I've neglected to allow my own soul to be nurtured. Instead of thriving in motherhood, and despite regular Bible study and prayer, I've fallen into one of the traps that so many young moms unintentionally find themselves in.

I remembered the Watermark song because it was one of the most precious gifts anyone has ever given me. It was my senior year of high school, and a friend of mine dedicated it to me. I don't think I fully appreciated the value of it until years later, as I re-read the lyrics and realized the weight behind those words.

I want to be that kind of person again, someone whose faith is constant, who uplifts others, who prays without ceasing for new songs in hard times, who laughs and cries without condemnation ... who leaves others feeling like they've been with God.

So, in a rash moment of altruism, instead of being disgusted and irritated that the new neighbors are two young Navy guys who walk around their curtain-less apartment in their boxers and beers, watching incredibly inappropriate TV shows, leaving their cigarette butts and spit strewn on their patio, I walked over there during B's nap the other day and picked up every single one of those cigarette butts.

It hasn't made any difference to them. They're still leaving their dirty cigarettes lying around. But every time I see them out there, I'm reminded to pray.

It's a small step towards Jesus.


  1. I'm so proud of you, Honey. I wondered how you had taken it when I asked you that question. You certainly surprised me by silently serving two people who neither know you or inspire compassion. You're already doing so well on your journey down the path of following Jesus.

    I love you.