Yesterday, we had a fire drill at the school where I was subbing. After ushering the students out into the hallway, I shut off the lights and closed the door. The minute I stepped out into the hall, the shrill noise of the fire alarm increased exponentially in volume, and Baby G panicked! He just kicked and kicked, not settling down until a few minutes after the alarms stopped and we had been allowed back in the building. Poor little guy... I can't imagine what his world is like, not really knowing what's going on, what these new noises are, not being able to see to make sense of anything. And although I was a bit amused by it all, I was also sort of sad that there wasn't much I could do to soothe him.
I had a planning period following that class, so I called Nich to tell him about the experience. Fatherly protectiveness rose up, and he confessed that it actually made him a little angry that Baby G had to go through that. This made me laugh, but I also like that we're experiencing these feelings of protectiveness. It makes parenthood seem more and more real.
In other news, although our roof is now fixed, we're still waiting on the chimney repair. Also, when the ceiling tiles and insulation were removed from the hall closet where the leak was for the past year, we discovered mold up in the rafters. Thankfully, we knew just the people from church to call, and they sent over someone right away to take a look. He swabbed a sample to be sent off to the lab and told me exactly how it would be sealed once they got to results early next week. We'll be glad to not have to be worrying about that anymore this winter.
Another happy piece of news: someone asked if she could host a baby shower for me last night! I was wondering if we would have one at all, so this was thrilling for me. Nich had kept saying to me not to worry, that people love us, and we would have at least one baby shower, but I guess my feelings of loneliness, "not-closeness" to anyone here, and sadness that my mom and all my close girl friends live more than a couple hours away has made me be a bit more skeptical.
Is that lame and pathetic?
On that note, I should go take a shower and get ready for my half day of subbing. Oh, and that's another nice thought: Nich commented last night as we were heading out to a late night double date with friends that this school year and last year seem to be going much better than that first year I was subbing in this area. I told him that it's partially because I've weeded out all the "bad" schools from my calling list, but also that I'm more confident. And this year, knowing that I'm growing this baby inside, I don't tolerate nonsense anymore. My philosophy is that I don't need to invite more stress into my life.
On the flip side, I've only sent two students to the principal so far this fall, and that's pretty good. Maybe they're being nicer because I'm pregnant? Who knows. I'm just glad I haven't had any major confrontations with any kids yet, although these little girls standing in the hallway yesterday morning did say, "Hey, look! It's an Asian chick!" when I walked into school. I wrote a note on my report about it, but at the time, I ignored them.
"If the God you believe in as an idea doesn’t start showing up in what happens to you in your own life, you have as much cause for concern as if the God you don’t believe in as an idea does start showing up. It is absolutely crucial, therefore, to keep in constant touch with what is going on in your own life’s story and to pay close attention to what is going on in the stories of others’ lives. If God is present anywhere, it is in those stories that God is present. If God is not present in those stories, then they are scarcely worth telling." ~ Frederick Buechner